When it comes to communicating with larger audiences, many people have split personalities: The Real Self and the Presentation Self.

The Real Self is confident, comfortable, self-assured and genuine. Think Ronald Reagan, Martin Luther King and John F. Kennedy.

This is the personality that your clients and prospects want.

Frequently the Presentation Self takes over when a speaker begins his or her speech. This personality looks uncomfortable, anxious and nervous. Thanks to YouTube, a video of Minerva, Ohio Councilman Phil Davison’s out of control speech for Stark County treasurer went viral on September 9, 2010.

Mr. Davison’s Presentation Self kicked in to create an embarrassing speech that has been viewed over one million times, more than 2,000 times Minerva’s population of 3,934. Click here to watch a video of his speech.
Unfortunately, Mr. Davison isn’t alone. During a workshop that we were conducting for a large construction management company, we videoed a senior vice president giving a presentation. As we played the video back for him, he became more and more disturbed. Finally, he threw up his arms and said, “I can’t believe that I’ve been in my business for twenty-three years and achieved the level of success I have. With the way I come across, I’m surprised that I could persuade anyone to do anything.”

The Presentation Self will keep you from creating the success you want. Your customers and prospects want to see an authentic, confident person—the Real Self—and you will not persuade them unless you create the perception they want. You must excise the Presentation Self.

The Presentation Self appears for one key reason – fear. According to The Book of Lists, the fear of public speaking is our number one fear. People would rather die, play with poisonous snakes or jump out of airplanes than give a presentation in public.

When the Presentation Self appears, nagging questions suddenly pop into your brain. Will I forget what I’m going to say? Will I embarrass myself by not being able to answer a difficult question? Will the equipment malfunction? The result can be sweaty palms, shaky hands, weak knees, panic-stricken expressions, or a quivering voice. The perception is a lack of confidence.

To ensure that the Presentation Self shows up for every presentation follow this three step process:

Step 1: Get it right mentally by creating an affirmation. Instead of saying to yourself, “I really get nervous when I speak in public” change it to “I am a confident speaker.”

Step 2: Develop your presentation skills by attending a presentation skills workshop or course. Look for companies that specialize in presentation skills or check out a local adult education course.

Step 3: Practice, practice, practice. Look for opportunities to present in your organization or at service clubs (they are always looking for speakers). Join a Toastmasters Club in your area for more opportunities to practice.

Follow this 3 step process and you will soon find that your split personality has given way to a confident communicator who enjoys the opportunity to speak publically to any size audience.

The Great Communicator Toolbox
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Tiger Woods’s 13-minute nationally televised apology this morning, coming some 85 days since slamming his black Cadillac SUV into a front lawn tree, was a generally well crafted message aimed at managing the damage to his career created by the admission of his numerous extra marital affairs. Although late is better than never, an apology immediately following the November 27 incident would have indicated a sense of true contrition rather than what many will consider a veiled media ploy.

But Tiger’s statement today was little more than a mea culpa. In essence, the theme was – it’s my fault and I’m sorry.

• “I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in.”

• “For all that I have done, I am so sorry.”

• “I want to say to them that I am truly sorry.”

I don’t know about you, but I didn’t want to hear about how sorry he is. “Sorry” is meaningless, frivolous and trite. I wanted a world class-apology. After all, this is a world-class guy, we should expect no less.

A world-class apology must contain The Four A’s:

• Admission – guilt, mistake, error in judgment

• Apology – humbly and sincerely describe the painful regret you feel for committing the offense

• Action – the steps you are going to take to ensure that it doesn’t happen again

• Ask – for forgiveness

Tiger delivered on three of the A’s, but fell short on the apology. To be fair, he did apologize once when speaking of the parents who pointed to him as a role model for their kids. (“I owe all those families a special apology.”) But for an apology to have impact, it must use the word “apology” not just once, but many times. Think about how much stronger his message would have been if he had simply added two words I apologize:

“I am also aware of the pain my behavior has caused to those of you in this room. I have let you down, and I have let down my fans.” I apologize. “For many of you, especially my friends, my behavior has been a personal disappointment. To those of you who work for me, I have let you down personally and professionally. My behavior has caused considerable worry to my business partners.” For each one of you, I apologize.

Moreover, Tiger’s statement would have had greater impact had the delivery been less scripted manner. A world-class apology requires painful, gut wrenching emotion. Tiger barely scratched the surface in this category.

When he comes out of therapy at some point down the road, Tiger will have another chance at a world-class apology. Let’s hope he takes it …and gets it right.

Click here for the video and transcript of Tiger Woods’s statement.

By now you have either read or heard about The New York Times article  last week featuring Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal’s repeated Vietnam War service lies.

“This nation has a way of sending young men and women to war and then forgetting about them when they come home,” Mr. Blumenthal said to the group gathered in Norwalk in March 2008, “and that is unforgivable. And I know that congressmen like Chris Shays are working very hard to change that situation. We have learned something important since the days that I served in Vietnam. And you exemplify it. Whatever we think about the war, whatever we call it — Afghanistan or Iraq — we owe our military men and women unconditional support.” Click here for video.

According to the Times article, Blumenthal not only didn’t serve in Vietnam, he obtained at least five deferments between 1965-1970 and finally a coveted position in a Washington, D.C. Marine Corp Reserve Unit.
When questioned about the Times article the next day, Blumenthal said he “misspoke”. Okay, perhaps you can speak inaccurately, inappropriately or too hastily about a topic once, but in at least three different speeches? That is what I call a lie.

As a Vietnam veteran, I am outraged about Blumenthal’s lie. Many who went to Vietnam would rather have done something else. Many who went didn’t make it back. Many who went came back with physical or mental injuries or both. But we went. Sure, many of us would like to have had a deferment or to have been assigned to a reserve unit in the States, but that kind of special treatment was typically reserved for kids whose parents had a lot of pull.

It appears that Blumenthal has a credible record in the Connecticut House and Senate and as Attorney General, but how can you vote for someone who lies? Especially someone who lies about his military service to the country. Yes, Mr. Blumenthal, forgetting about our war veterans when they come home is unforgivable. But, so is falsely claiming that you are a war veteran.

President Obama’s comment during a Wednesday, July 22 national press conference that “the Cambridge police acted stupidly” during a July 16 arrest of Henry Louis Gates Jr., a black Harvard University professor, is a matter of speaking before understanding the facts.

Whether the Cambridge police accepted appropriately is not the issue as it relates to Obama’s comment. No U.S. President should speak publically without knowing the facts.  When a President, particularly one as popular as Obama, makes a statement, it takes on tremendous credibility for much of the population.  Such a remark is dangerous in that it may sway people’s views and potentially ignite a fire storm of misunderstanding, debate and criticism, as is currently the situation.

The lesson for President Obama and for all of us is to get the facts before offering an opinion.  All too frequently people state their views without taking the time to understand the issues.  If you don’t know what you’re talking about, don’t say anything.

President Barak Obama missed an important opportunity to build hope for the success of his economic program this evening on CBS’s 60 Minutes program. With the economy in a recession that could spiral down into a full blown depression, the American people are looking for assurance from the President that the steps that the administration and the Federal Reserve are taking will work. Instead we saw a man who appeared uncertain, wishy-washy and light hearted.

Asked by Steve Croft if he thought that the people on Wall Street believed in him, Obama skirted the question. He began with, “Part of my job is to communicate to them “look, I believe in the market, I believe in financial innovation and I believe in success and that I want them to do well” and then went on to say that the pay on Wall Street is out of balance. He failed to answer the question in an inspiring manner. For instance, he might have said, “There are some on Wall Street who have concerns. And over the next days and weeks my administration and I will be taking steps to ensure that Wall Street understands that the plans that we putting will place will take us out of the recession and create a period of tremendous growth in the country.”

Asked who will work for the banks and investment firms if their investment professionals are limited to bonuses of $250,000, the President said that these people should go to North Dakota, Iowa or Arkansas, where people would be thrilled to earn $75,000. This type of condescending statement doesn’t add credence to his earlier statement that he “believes in success” and will only further the schism between him and Wall Street.

A number of times during the interview, Obama laughed inappropriately and gave the appearance that his was making light of the economic situation. Asked by Croft why he was laughing about the predicament of the automobile industry, Obama explained it as “gallows humor.”

Furthering the perception that the President lacked conviction, were the number of non-positive words that he use liberally throughout the interview:

• “uh” – 122 times

• “I think” – 11 times

• “I tried” – 4 times

Think about how Winston Churchill (“We will not surrender”), Franklin Delano Roosevelt (“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”) or Martin Luther King (“We as a people will get to the promise land”) would have spoken.

Lastly, I’d like to see our President sound more Presidential by dropping some his colloquialisms, such as the word “stuff”, as in “He (Geitner) has a lot of stuff on his plate.” His wife was “planting stuff” in the garden. When asked about the White House, he described it as “pretty nice digs.”

Here’s how I rate the President’s 60 Minutes interview on the three most important parts of any presentation on a scale of 0 – 10, with 10 being the highest:

• How he looked: 7. He looked sharp in his navy blue suit, light blue shirt and blue tie. Nice smile, good eye contact. I’ve taken on point away for his not wearing over the calf socks and therefore exposing his leg as he sat with his legs crossed during the interview. Another two points for the inappropriate laughter.

• How he sounded: 5. The preponderance of weak words were a killer.

• What he said: 5. He missed the chance to create hope, and hope is what he need now more than ever.

• Overall score: 6

As we reflect back on the life of a great man on this Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I think about what a dynamic speaker this man was. He had the unparalleled ability to not only powerfully deliver the message, but to choose positive, inspiring words.

Never once did I hear him utter a “non-positive” word. Non-positive words are neither positive nor negative, they’re somewhere in the middle. Some of the most frequently used non-positives are “think,” “believe” and “feel,” as in “I think I provide excellent service.” That begs the question, do you or don’t you? Other examples of non-positives include “hopefully,” “probably” and “maybe.”

But Martin Luther King Jr. never equivocated. He was never wishy-washy. He was always direct, positive and confident. One of my favorite examples is when he spoke in Birmingham, AL, on the night before his death April 4, 1968. As he finished his rousing speech, he prophetically concluded “I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promise land.”

Despite the previous five days of social unrest during which 2,500 African Americans were jailed, there appeared to be no doubt in his mind about getting to the promise land. No “I think,” “I believe,” “maybe” or “hopefully,” just a simple, yet profound “we as a people will get to the promise land.”

And now, here we are 41 years later on the eve of the U. S. Presidential Inauguration of the first African American U. S. President. Martin Luther King Jr.’s words inspired a generation of Americans of all races and, perhaps, a young boy by the name of Barrack Obama.

I think Caroline Kennedy will, I mean, could, uh, become a, you know, senator.

Caroline Kennedy has attracted significant media attention since declaring herself a candidate to replace Hillary Clinton in the Senate seat once held by her uncle, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. Never having held or sought public office before, she has shied away from the public stage other than her speeches at the DNC Conventions in 2000 and 2008.

Now the significant media attention that she has received has given us a good look at Ms. Kennedy as a communicator and the result is painful to observe. In television and print interviews in December, the perception that she created was one of uncertainty and ambiguity.

During an interview with New York Times reporters on December 27, 2008, she used the expression “you know” 138 times. When you use fillers such as “you know” or “uh”, it is a signal to the listener that you are filling your time with meaningless words while you think of what you are going to say next. The result is that you appear uninformed, nervous or both.

In the following answer to a question about how serving as a Senator might impact her relationship with her family, she used “you know” seven times:

“I mean, both of us have had a lot of commitments, you know, up till now I think we’ve both put our family first. And my kids are really supportive of this idea, I think they understand that it will make — you know, bring change for them. But you know, again, I think this is, you know, I think he’s someone who’s committed to, you know, education, science education, you know, he makes children’s museums, you know, this is, he —“

Moreover, she comes across as uncertain by using the non-positive expression “I think.” By saying “I think” she places some doubt in the mind of the listener about her confidence in what she’s saying. It’s as if she’s saying, I think this is correct, but I’m not positive. In the above answer she said “I think” four times and 128 during the entire interview.

Click here to read the New York Times interview. Click her to see a five-minute edit of her 30-minute interview on Manhattan’s local news channel NY1.

Ms. Kennedy’s articulation gaffs likely won’t have a significant impact on her quest for the New York Senate seat, but it will diminish her perception as a communicator. Ultimately, it will have a negative impact on her effectiveness as a leader.

Do you have fillers and non-positives in your conversations with people? To find out, tape record yourself and listen carefully to the words you chose. If you hear fillers and non-positive words, practice eliminating them in everyday conversation. Just give yourself a mental slap every time you get ready to use one. Soon you’ll be free of these distracting words and on your way to creating the perception of a confident, positive communicator.

Lloyd John Ogilvie, Pastor Emeritus of First Presbyterian Church, Hollywood, and former Chaplain, U.S. Senate, delivered a speech last Friday that kept the rapt attention of the two hundred members and guests of the Rotary Club of Los Angeles. Those of us fortunate enough to attend were treated to an inspiring Thanksgiving message delivered by a master communicator.

Avoiding the normal extraneous comments made by most speakers, Ogilvie startled the audience by shouting “You bigot!” as he opened his talk with a humorous story about a man who accosted him because he thought a sign in front of the church read “Presbyterians” instead of “Pedestrians.”

Ogilvie then went on to speak of one of the greatest qualities of life – gratitude. Pointing out that gratitude is the not only the essence of Thanksgiving, it is a way of life. After all, he said, “God created it. We require it. And people never tire of it.” Moreover, Ogilvie pointed out that gratitude produces an attitude of humility. Yet, he cautioned, as important as gratitude is, there are some who thrive on withholding it as a way of controlling others. All that does, said Ogilvie, is create resentment.

As Ogilvie wove stories throughout his 25-minute speech, he held the silenced audience spellbound. His booming voice, a perfect example of the use pace, range and inflection, commanded the full attention of all. He punctuated his points with big, broad gestures. His facial expression was open and friendly as he connected with people in all parts of the room.

Ogilvie closed with the following poem from Annie Johnson Flint, who was crippled and twisted most of her life with arthritis, yet out of her ordeal of protracted pain, she developed a sensitivity to suffering that helped her understand and encourage others who also were suffering.

God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.
God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift easy travel,
Needing no guide.
He hath not promised we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.
But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

Following the poem, Ogilvie proclaimed “Happy Thanksgiving.” No obligatory, unnecessary “Thank you”, simply the holiday greeting. Bravo! Surely this must be one of the best Thanksgiving messages being given in America today, delivered by a kind man with tremendous communication skills.

The November 18 edition of the Los Angeles Times featured an article entitled “Fires bring mayor’s oration skill to fore.” In the article, the Times pointed out how important it is for the mayor to take the public stage to issue reassuring messages in times of crisis, such as the fires that ravaged Southern California during the past week.

I agree with the Times that a key role of a mayor – actually any leader – is to communicate quickly and frequently during catastrophic times. It sends a message that the leader is in charge and is doing everything possible to remedy the situation.

Being an observer of the charismatic Mayor, I watched his press conference several days ago during which he gave a 58-second update. His laudatory comments notwithstanding, I found his “oration skill” in need of improvement. The issue was his repeated use of the filler word “uh”, which he used 19 times. Here’s how he began: “I’m very uh grateful uh that President Elect uh Barack Obama called last night uh and said that he is uh uh ready, willing and able to do everything he can.”

Considering that he spoke for 58 seconds, that’s about one “uh” every three seconds. His repeated use of “uh” makes him sound unsure of himself or like he is grand standing – or both.

If he were to eliminate fillers from his presentations, Mayor Villaraigosa could become one of the great communicators of our time. He has excellent vocal quality and passion and he looks good on camera. Uh, hopefully someone will uh give him uh the message.

Shortly after the polls closed in California at 8:00 p.m. PST, CNN predicted that Barack Obama would be the next President of the United States. Moments later, in his home state of Arizona, John McCain took the stage at a gathering of the party faithful to give a very gracious concession speech and perhaps his best oratory of his entire campaign. As I watched this man comely, confidently urge us to come together as Americans, I wondered why he hadn’t spoken so convincingly, so presidentially before.

An hour later, Barack Obama took the stage in Chicago’s Grant Park to deliver his acceptance speech to an estimated crowd of 125,000. He began by congratulating McCain for a hard fought campaign and then thanked his supporters, family, campaign manager, wife, children and deceased mother. “This victory belongs to you, “he concluded.

He continued by reminding us that “The road ahead will be long, our climb will be steep, we may not get there in one year or even in one term, but American I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there.” And then, borrowing from Martin Luther King’s speech of April 1968, concluded with “I promise you, we as a people, will get there.”

He urged us to come together as a people to resolve the many challenges facing us today. “Let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. “

Obama continued with a quote from Abraham Lincoln, “We are not enemies but friends. Though passion has strained, it must not break our bonds of affection’. To those who did not vote for him he said, “I need your help and I will be your President, too.”

He concluded his speech with the plight of a 106 year old African American woman, Ann Nixon Cooper, who cast her vote in Atlanta this morning. When she was born, said Obama, she couldn’t vote because she was a woman and she was black. During her life she witnessed the depression, the bombing of Japan, WWII, the civil injustice of the 60s, the landing of a man on the moon and the fall of the Berlin wall. Through those times, he said, “We were told we can’t and we pressed on with that American creed yes we can.” “And this year she touched her finger to a screen and cast her vote. Because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes, we can.”

He then asked that if our children should live to the next century, “What change will they see? What progress will we have made? This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. When people doubt us we will respond with ‘Yes we can’”.

This was a well written speech delivered passionately and flawlessly. He held the audiences’ attention by raising and lowering the tones and volume of his voice to emphasize his key points. Gone were the pesky fillers (“uh”) and non- positives (“I think”) that plagued his debates.

John McCain has served our country well and would likely have been a very capable leader. Obama has the same leadership potential, plus an important quality that challenged McCain, tremendous communication skills. We have just elected our next great communicator.